The Waiting GameWednesday, July 22, 2015
This is not a glamorous or even just planned out post. I needed so bad to express my heart and write down these words so that maybe it might encourage someone else on their pregnancy journey, that they are not the only one going through the difficult season of waiting for baby to arrive.
After having a great day with my husband and hanging out with amazing people until late at night on our way home I began to have really heavy period like cramps. I've been having these on and off for the past month, so I knew they would go away. Through pregnancy you really learn to go with the flow when it comes to weird symptoms and pains. However, these pains continued all through the night keeping me awake and even causing my right leg to cramp up. I continued to try to go back to bed but the pain of the cramps continued to take my sleep.
My husband, in any way he could help, tried to massage out the pain but it just wouldn't go away, by this time it was already about 3AM and we were both exhausted. I hopelessly tried to lay down, but either my leg pain or just the pressure of the baby on my lower back continued to keep me awake. We turned on the TV and tried to watch a show hoping that this would make me sleepy, and thankfully it did. As the show finished I dragged my heavy body to bed hoping this time I would really go to sleep. As soon as I laid down I felt baby-girl wake up and started to kick my ribs. At this point her kicks and movements have become stronger and painful at times. This was one of those times. I sat up at the edge of the bed completely defeated and began to sob, out of frustration, out of tiredness, out of lack of strength and energy. I sat there asking Jesus to give me strength because at this point I didn't, and still don't know, if I have the strength to make it to 40 weeks or even longer if she decides to come after the estimated 40 weeks.
It has been so difficult to be pregnant these past few weeks, physically, carrying the extra weight, being tired most of the day, with weird pains I just cannot control. Emotionally, as my hormones have suddenly decided to take over giving me all sorts of weird emotions, going anywhere as people feel free to comment on how big I look and how ready I am "to pop", and spiritually as all I do is ask God to continue to give me strength.
I thankfully did make it to fall asleep at around 7AM after my husband ran out to get me some food thinking that maybe all I needed was a full stomach, he was absolutely right. After he came back with a full breakfast meal from Denny's, I was able to stomach some food and thankfully after a long night we both finally fell asleep. He continues to remind me how close we are to the end of this pregnancy journey and I know he is absolutely right, at some point this baby will have to come out. However, if any mom or mom-to-be is reading this I just wanna say: You are absolutely amazing! So strong, and so incredibly selfless. You can do this. You are almost to the end, and you got this momma. And even though it's hard to believe, You are doing great.